Potty training take 2
I have been meaning to write something about potty training for a few weeks now but half term and then large amounts of life admin have got in the way. Although it turns out that the delay is no bad thing as I have avoided having to re-write what would have been an overly positive post now that it is going a lot less well! Child number two has been in pants since the Easter holidays. So far it is still proving less traumatic than potty training child number one but is no longer the plain sailing I thought it was going to be.
It was a very different experience with W. For some unknown reason I decided to buy Gina Ford's potty training book and follow that, even though we hadn't used her approach in any other aspect of parenting. I think I was mainly attracted to it because the book was cheap and short! I will write more about how things went with W another time but the short version is that it turned out to be prolonged and traumatic for all involved.
So I was determined to try a different approach this time - no pressure on T, no rush to get it done and remaining relaxed about his complete lack of interest in the potty. I had wondered if he would copy his older brother and potty train a bit earlier but that didn't happen. "The books" talk about how you leave a potty lying around the house and once your child has started using it every evening before the bath you know you're ready to ditch the nappies. T obviously hasn't read these books! We had one very random poo on the potty a few months ago and that was it. "The books" also talk about there being no turning back once you give up nappies but that failed with W so we decided to ignore that advice this time. We gave pants a try a few times when we were pottering around at home although each time it ended in T weeing everywhere and appearing to be unaware that he was about to wee everywhere.
Then one Monday there were no more nappies. I had put him in pants as we had a morning at home and when it came to putting a nappy back on ready to go out he said no. We were about to head out to W's hospital appointment which involved a hard deadline and a half hour car journey so not the ideal time to start. I set off armed with the potty in the carrier bag and a lot of spare clothes. Mark had the joy of him getting on and off the potty in the Tesco car park while I took W to his appointment. We spent the next couple of weeks taking the porta-potty everywhere - he pooed in the boot of the car, by the side of the A303, under a tree at Wisley. (He is completely unlike W - definitely no worries about waiting for the home toilet!)
We had a really good month and then it all went a bit wrong! I think the novelty of taking himself off to the toilet wore off and he started having lots of accidents. For a week or two it was only wet accidents - he didn't seem to care about having wet pants and shorts so would rather wet himself than stop what he was doing to go to the toilet. But now we're having pooey accidents as well, which are a lot harder to deal with logistically and I find a lot harder to remain calm about. I think the accidents might be more frustrating after a number of clean dry weeks as he must know exactly what is going on, he just can't be bothered!
And now we are a bit stumped. We are having better days again - a couple of weeks ago I was doing a load of washing every evening because there were two or three sets of pants and shorts that needed to go in but it's not every night now. But I am struggling to understand why he has stopped caring about getting it right and therefore what I can do to help. We've started making him change his own pants and shorts, to increase the faff of having an accident and make it more of an effort than going to the toilet!
I know lots of people would recommend reward charts but I'm not keen. I don't like sticker charts and rewarding the boys for things that I think they should be doing anyway. We did have a sticker chart initially with T to encourage him to start using the potty but he didn't get any stickers on it for weeks until he decided to give up on nappies and then he filled it up with 10 tiny wees in one day! And I don't want to start taking things away from him when he does have an accident - pretty sure I want to be praising the good behaviour and ignoring the accidents, as difficult as that may be sometimes. I keep telling myself that I just need to remain neutral and disengaged but every so often realise I am berating him as I'm sorting him out in the toilet.
So I guess we plod on, trying to praise the dry days and quietly deal with the wet and pooey days, and hope that something clicks and he decides it is much easier to just use the toilet. Potty training is definitely one of the hardest milestones to negotiate with small children, and has caught me by surprise both times. Maybe by the time it is A's turn we will have learnt all the tricks and it will be a breeze but I suspect that is wildly optimistic!
It was a very different experience with W. For some unknown reason I decided to buy Gina Ford's potty training book and follow that, even though we hadn't used her approach in any other aspect of parenting. I think I was mainly attracted to it because the book was cheap and short! I will write more about how things went with W another time but the short version is that it turned out to be prolonged and traumatic for all involved.
So I was determined to try a different approach this time - no pressure on T, no rush to get it done and remaining relaxed about his complete lack of interest in the potty. I had wondered if he would copy his older brother and potty train a bit earlier but that didn't happen. "The books" talk about how you leave a potty lying around the house and once your child has started using it every evening before the bath you know you're ready to ditch the nappies. T obviously hasn't read these books! We had one very random poo on the potty a few months ago and that was it. "The books" also talk about there being no turning back once you give up nappies but that failed with W so we decided to ignore that advice this time. We gave pants a try a few times when we were pottering around at home although each time it ended in T weeing everywhere and appearing to be unaware that he was about to wee everywhere.
Then one Monday there were no more nappies. I had put him in pants as we had a morning at home and when it came to putting a nappy back on ready to go out he said no. We were about to head out to W's hospital appointment which involved a hard deadline and a half hour car journey so not the ideal time to start. I set off armed with the potty in the carrier bag and a lot of spare clothes. Mark had the joy of him getting on and off the potty in the Tesco car park while I took W to his appointment. We spent the next couple of weeks taking the porta-potty everywhere - he pooed in the boot of the car, by the side of the A303, under a tree at Wisley. (He is completely unlike W - definitely no worries about waiting for the home toilet!)
We had a really good month and then it all went a bit wrong! I think the novelty of taking himself off to the toilet wore off and he started having lots of accidents. For a week or two it was only wet accidents - he didn't seem to care about having wet pants and shorts so would rather wet himself than stop what he was doing to go to the toilet. But now we're having pooey accidents as well, which are a lot harder to deal with logistically and I find a lot harder to remain calm about. I think the accidents might be more frustrating after a number of clean dry weeks as he must know exactly what is going on, he just can't be bothered!
And now we are a bit stumped. We are having better days again - a couple of weeks ago I was doing a load of washing every evening because there were two or three sets of pants and shorts that needed to go in but it's not every night now. But I am struggling to understand why he has stopped caring about getting it right and therefore what I can do to help. We've started making him change his own pants and shorts, to increase the faff of having an accident and make it more of an effort than going to the toilet!
I know lots of people would recommend reward charts but I'm not keen. I don't like sticker charts and rewarding the boys for things that I think they should be doing anyway. We did have a sticker chart initially with T to encourage him to start using the potty but he didn't get any stickers on it for weeks until he decided to give up on nappies and then he filled it up with 10 tiny wees in one day! And I don't want to start taking things away from him when he does have an accident - pretty sure I want to be praising the good behaviour and ignoring the accidents, as difficult as that may be sometimes. I keep telling myself that I just need to remain neutral and disengaged but every so often realise I am berating him as I'm sorting him out in the toilet.
So I guess we plod on, trying to praise the dry days and quietly deal with the wet and pooey days, and hope that something clicks and he decides it is much easier to just use the toilet. Potty training is definitely one of the hardest milestones to negotiate with small children, and has caught me by surprise both times. Maybe by the time it is A's turn we will have learnt all the tricks and it will be a breeze but I suspect that is wildly optimistic!
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